I Think I Need A Break...

There seems to be once again a lull in my fangirling for TVXQ.  I haven't been this...fizzled since back in November of last year.  I eventually got over that when I came to know some really great fans that support the five.  :)  However, just last week, something happened within the JYJ side of the TVXQ fandom that set off ripples.  One of the dancers, Telisha, released her first single for the Kpop industry titled "Our Secret".  Not only that, but she did it under the name 'Telisu'.  So, I heard the song, and instantly thought:  "Oh dear...why does it sound like it's about Junsu?"  =.=;;  Don't get me wrong, she is really nice (heck, she responded to me a few times on Twitter), but my thoughts come because she seems to favor Junsu very much.  But then again, they could be about someone else that she works with.  Anyway, fans--ESPECIALLY Junsu-biased fans--got really upset.  On the other hand, there are some that actually wouldn't mind the coupling.  In fact, I think I wrote an entry about this before.

I am somewhere in the middle I suppose.  I can understand the jealousy that the fans may feel because if it were Changmin, I know I'd be jealous too.  In fact, it is suprising that I'm making a big deal about this because Junsu isn't even my bias!  >_<  But when it gets to the point of fans sending her threatening things, then it's not so good anymore.  Then there are times when I wouldn't mind it because it tells me that they're into girls with a little more color.  Not to mention that it's much easier for any staff member, other celeb, or whatnot to be closer to them than just a lowly fan like me, so why do I even bother?  :(  However, I find it a bit aggrivating that the fans who don't mind it say for others to grow up.  I know that he is in his 20's and such and can do whatever he wants, but I am also in my 20s.  I know that's not very relavent, but yeah.  I also find it a bit upsetting when they'd say "Lol, I bet he's getting some from her" or something like that.  I know that they may not be virgins anymore, but it's still rather harsh to bring up such things...especially in the case of Changmin with me.  :/  You see, my view on this is that I'd be happy for them to date, but at the same time I can't help but feel sad/jealous that it's not me.  But I guess that not ever having any relationship with a boy has turned me into the way I am now.  And since I see these guys not only a celebrities, but also as any other man I'd want to date, it may be a problem.   So, in  a sense, I am pretty much aggrivated with both fans who take their jealousy too far and fans who say to grow up (which constantly keeps the issue around).  And whenever I see or hear about anything related to this (i.e.- pics, fanfics, and comments regarding whatever stance they have on this) I get slightly annoyed/fizzled.  For that, I apologize. 

Sometimes I think that the whole lawsuit is taking it's toll on fans.  It's been almost 2 years since it began.  Any little thing about any member can set off a fan.  I think that is true for me as well.  Maybe I'm so wrapped up in this.  It seems to be causing friction with my sister (who seems become less interested in TVXQ as time passes).  In fact, I think maybe a few are becoming less interested.  In my personal opinion, I miss the year 2007.  I was fresh with Kpop and things were very peaceful.  I had lots of people to spazz with and it was all fun.  As a fan at that time, I think I was really good.  And Kpop didn't seem so...blah.

This is why I may need a break.  I know that I'm not going to hold up to it though, but if I can get a job I hope that it will at least help to keep me from being on the computer too much.  In the end, I'm trying to decipher what kind of fan I am at this point...though I know it looks pretty obvious.  But I really beg to differ.  I may be very crazy-obsessed, but when it comes to the types of issues I explained above...I may complain and cry and whatnot, but I don't think I'd threaten or anything.  Just stadning idly by and being upset for a couple of days at the lucky girl may be enough.  Ah...such is the hopeless romantic...

There are times when I just feel like abandoning Kpop altogether, but I never want to leave TVXQ/JYJ (as well as other formadible groups) behind since they're like some sort of big interest of mine.  If I can rekindle my 2007 fangirl self, that would be very good.  I know that these issues will bug me for a little while longer, but eventually will dissolve (hopefully).  For now, I shall probably stick around with Changmin stuff for a while.  ^^;;  Until next time, peace out.

Here

I just thought I'd share this song that is from one of my favorite singers, Maaya Sakamoto.  This is one of the songs that kind of makes me think of the whole JYJ, HoMin, SM, JYJ stans, HoMin stans, OT5 situation.  I also have lyrics that I found on Anime Lyrics dot Com.  Enjoy~!

Video credit: tarentis1

Here, people look for heaven
Livin' in a fear of God
Losing themselves, hiding forever
Afraid of what they're not
She spent her whole life
Chasing stardust
And then when she could taste it
A million dollars of pride
And still unhappy

So sad, she couldn't feel, she couldn't feel
I know the story
So sad, she couldn't feel, she couldn't feel
I know the score

Here I am, I've walked a promise
But it can take so long
Here I am, I've walked the shadows
It's time that I move on
With myself, I share the silence
I jus' walk along
Walk along

Here, people hide in darkness
Watchin' their shadows grow
Tears of gold or nothing matters
Selling themselves out short
Take diamonds for hope and fame for caring
The things she couldn't give up
She blows out the candle of love
And loses her way out

So mad, she couldn't see, she couldn't see
I know the story
So mad, she couldn't see, she couldn't see
I know the score

Here I am, I've walked a promise
But it can take so long
Here I am, I've walked the shadows
It's time that I move on
With myself, I share the silence
I jus' walk along
I walk along

People here choose not to listen
Afraid of what they might hear
Believing in lies and contradiction
Can be so safe and warm
And so many people tried to tell her
You know she wouldn't listen
A million voices called out
She jus' walked away

So loud, she couldn't hear, she couldn't hear
I know the story
So loud, she couldn't hear, she wouldn't hear
I know the score

Here I am, I've walked a promise
But it can take so long
Here I am, I've walked the shadows
It's time that I move on
With myself, I share the silence
I jus' walk along
I walk along

Words by Tim Jensen
Composed and arranged by Kanno Yoko

Transliterated by Orihara Kaoru

JYJ and HoMin Stans Make Me Feel...Bleh :/

There is a Twitter trend going about saying '#wecanttalk'.  So, I came up with a sentence using that topic: 

"If you are strictly a JYJ or Homin stan, then I'm afraid #wecanttalk very well"

I tell the truth in this sentence since I've been reading comments between both sets of fans when this whole division began and since recently.  Some might be nice, but majority of the comments I see (especially when it pertains to the other side) tend to be really horrible!  >:/  The funny thing is most of the fans for both sides are newbies so the may not know (or care) about the history behind the members.  But the fans that make me really upset are ones that used to be a fan for all five, but decided to side with one.  I believe these fans are ones that are really only following their bias.  I too love my bias, Changmin, very much and I tend to follow him much more than the other members.  However, I may look more like I support JYJ.  My reason:  because I feel that there should be a sense of justice for them.  Actually, I'm unable to really support all five of them because I have no money to buy either CD, but it's cool.  :3 

What set me off to write this post happens to be because a certain I came across a certain commenter's posts in Omonatheydidn't's post about HoMin's new single "I Think U Know".  It wasn't much that would lead me to think bad about her.  Heck, she had a Changmin icon (and I tend to become interested in fans who like Changmin).  But upon looking at her page for LiveJournal...I became a bit aggravated.  She seemed to be an obvious HoMin stan but I felt disappointed that she was a Changmin bias as well. 

It reminded me of why I don't go to ContinueTVXQ.  The clip when Yunho heard JYJ's "Be My Girl remix"...a fan had posted saying that she demanded to know who all heard the song and why it was even played in the first place.  But JYJ stans are just as bad.  I used to think that they weren't, but they're just as bad.  When HoMin came on 'TAXI', I read some comments on JYJ3 bashing Yunho and Changmin.

I guess my final note is that it is hard for me to even talk to a stan of either side.  It is really disappointing to see how messed up Cassiopeia has become.  The only fans I find that are really tolerable are OT5 fans, but we tend to be the ones that get shut up the most.  But in the future...hopefully TVXQ will come back as five...and selfishly I shall wish that OT5s can say to the others:  "I told you so." 

Well, that is all for this post.  Hopefully some people could see what I was trying to express here.  Until next time, peace out~!