I know it's not even the end of the year, but usually whenever SM artists come to the U.S., it's usually once a year. Thus, I say 'another year'. I bet you know what I may write about, huh? Well, this past weekend fans in southern California were blessed with two Kpop concerts: SM Town and MBC Google Kpop. It's times like this that I REALLY wish I lived in California. OTL Anyway....
SM Town was a great success from what I'm gathering. A good chunk of the artists came over to perform, and many fanaccounts were made. Twitter was exploding with updates from fans that were there. I was okay with it until I read in my timeline on Twitter that Changmin and Kyuhyun sang a duet. It was Bruno Mars's 'Just the Way You Are'. My first thought was "Changmin AND Kyuhyun, my two biases of TVXQ and SuJu, singing a duet? AWESOME!!" But then, I read that they were singing to a fangirl...while on a bended knee...while holding her hands...and they hugged her at the end. Needless to say that I was really, really jealous of her. It's great that she was an OT5 fan, but I still can't help but feel upset. OTL That's like one of my biggest wishes being lived through another person--of course being at the concert would be like having my wish being lived through thousands of fangirls (but to be up on stage, being serenaded to?). I'm sorry if I sound like I'm bashing her though. But I thought I'd just express what I'm feeling. It's just that...everytime something like this happens, it feels like my wish to meet Changmin like that diminishes more and more with each passing year. I know she was also chosen at random too, and for a while I wondered what it was that made her stand out. It was interesting when she thanked God for this blessing, and I was all like: "That's all well and good, but... m(.__.)m" The reason is because for a while, I've been thinking that God doesn't want me to see him. For example, it is rare to dream of Changmin and when I do, most of the time he's ignoring me. And of course I'm stuck here in the South for who knows how long...and I don't see Kpop coming here anytime soon. OK LIFE, I GET IT!!! I'm not allowed to see my ideal man in reality. I also am aware that I'm not the only one who may think this way, and that I should be greatful that they're even touring the U.S. more because other countries have yet to be touched. I've gotten friends to tell me that I'll get my chance one day, and it helped raise my mood. But I felt bad that I made them feel pity for me because I'm not strong (or sane) enough to 'be honestly happy' for her like some others are. Being a fangirl is hard, but being one that really, really likes their bias is harder. But whatever....think of me as you will. I hate being labeled as some crazy fan, but I guess that's what I am. :x
Anyway, I did watch the MBC Google concert via live stream on Youtube. The lagging was really nerve-wrecking, but I was happy to see Yunho and Changmin perform. Yet while I was watching it on the stream, and even though it was live...it still isn't the same as actually being there.
Well, there you have it. Yet another entry about something related to Changmin, b*tching about why I can't have him, how lucky other fangirls are, etc. Ms. Lucky Fangirl Who Got to Hug Changmin and Kyuhyun....you are EXTREMELY lucky, and know that while I am jealous/envious, I will not send you messages of hate or threats of any kind. When I'm mad at people close to guys I like, I complain and I find that I may end up self-hating in the end. I
Just to throw in here: I'm pretty sure that if any of my biases (especially Changmin) stumble upon this post, they will shake their heads in shame. .___. In any case, peace out.
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