Jealous Much? & A Racy Issue

Admit it.  As a fangirl (or fanboy), you've experienced a fit of jealousy when you see your bias getting close--or your perception of getting close--to a person of the opposite gender.  This may be worse if the bias is a really popular one and the fan has a strong emotional attachment to them.  Such is the case with Jonghyun's ShaWols when they found out about him dating Shin Sekyung.  Many were very upset, and probably still are.  This tends to be the reaction of most fans with comments like "OMG~!  I'm so jealous!  I wish I was that girl/guy!"  However, in the case of Shindong (who is actually going to marry his girlfriend...someday) many fans weren't as upset.  This may be because he's not the most favorite member like Donghae or Siwon, so most fans tend to congratulate.
Being a fan of TVXQ--one of the most popular S. Korean male groups--I hear comments of jealousy quite often.  Most often though, I pay it no mind.  Maybe it is because it is not my bias, Changmin, that is in that situation.  I had also told myself that I wouldn't be some jealous chick and stoop myself to the level of fans that go all insane if they see their oppa with another woman.  But when Changmin is involved...that previous thought kind of goes out the window.  ^^;;  However, I don't want to induce physical harm on her.  It just gives me the feeling that I'm never going to get that close to Changmin whenever he's involved with a girl.  It's happened a few times:  when he admitted he's already kissed (back in 2008), the rumor of him not being a virgin (also back in 2008 when I heard it), when he's had a girlfriend for 10 months (some recent interview).  Then there are the actual interactions he's had with female stars that he looked close with.  It was rather difficult to watch 'Paradise Ranch' I must admit, but I made it...kissing scenes and all.  Then he started doing a few photoshoots with Lee Yeonhee, his co-star.  And then just today, I saw pics from the SBS show called 'Heroes'.  I think I could have had the mindset to not really mind it so much, but when comments like "I (wor)ship Changmin and __________" or "I wouldn't mind if they got married" start to show up, then I get upset at the whole concept.  Here is some pictures of today's latest Changmin spazz/downer:



Changmin & IU dressed in wedding attire for "Heroes"

He also did photoshoots with several other women on the show, but the ones with IU stuck out the most with me simply because a few netizens are showing encouragement for the two to actually become a couple and a small segment from an article at AllKpop about the show:   

"When Changmin was asked, “Is there anyone out of the cast members that you have interest in?”, the singer naturally replied IU.

The cast members also underwent a ‘Pink Light Mood‘ corner, where each of the girls had to look into the eyes of the TVXQ to find their partner for the shoot. Seo In Young, Kahi, and Shin Bong Sun were so taken aback by Changmin’s strong stares that they couldn’t look into his eyes properly.

However, Changmin acted different towards IU.

The moment IU’s eyes met with Changmin’s, he seemed to have felt a wave of nervousness which caused him to shy out and turn his head away from her."

Now I have nothing against IU, really.  She is rather adorable, and I really like her song called 'Boo'.  But reading comments and seeing pictures like the one above just made me upset.  :(  I know it is for the show, but the possibility is not left out that they may actually like each other.  As a 22 year old, I feel that it may be a little childish of me to even act this way, especially when it is a celebrity.  Most people think that it may not work out...that a fan can 'look but can't touch'.  But like I said before: I'm a woman before I'm a fan, so it is only natural that I'm gonna attach myself to a guy, yearn for him, and become jealous.  Once again, it makes me feel like I'd never make it to him...and that I'm running out of time to find and express myself to him. 

Which brings me to my next point...

Today, it was brought to my attention that Brian Joo (former member of Fly to the Sky) was under a little fire for his actions on a t.v. show.  He apologized, but what was it that he apologized for?  Well, he was impersonating how women act when they get upset at a person.  But his gestures made it lean more to how black women are perceived in S. Korea.  That may not be the case, but it just seemed that way.  At first, I was a little sad, but then I got over it.  Kikwang of B2ST also did something like that...something about a "black face".  But it alsor reminded me of what Taeyeon of SNSD said about Alicia Keys:  "For a black woman, she can sing well".  This just shows that S. Korea may need more exposure to different ethnicities.  And not just through television, but with people from different countries residing in S. Korea. 

So with that in mind, it made me wonder over and over:  "How will Changmin (or any member from a group I love dearly) perceive me upon his first look at me?"  I know he was sad that he lost his milky complexion as he got older, and that he is saddened for having slightly darker skin.  But I hope that he sees me not with the typical stereotype in his eyes because I don't follow it.  ^_6 

Well, I believe I have posted another blog that may have gone in circles at one point.  But I'd like to thank you for reading it anyway.  I hope you all understood where I was coming from.  ^^;;  Peace out~!